House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy.
Photograph by Kent Nishimura / Los Angeles Times / Getty

Fox News Announces Acquisition of Kevin McCarthy

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced that it has completed its acquisition of the Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy.

Rupert Murdoch, the network’s majority owner, said that he was “delighted” by the purchase of McCarthy and noted that Fox had snapped him up at an attractively low price.

“It helped that there were no other bidders,” he said.

But, even as Fox moved McCarthy onto its corporate ledger, some Wall Street analysts predicted that the network would rue the day that it acquired the congressman.

“Kevin McCarthy will be Rupert Murdoch’s worst investment since MySpace,” one analyst said.